


Mitternacht

by rosemarygreen



Category: Kraftwerk (Band)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemarygreen/pseuds/rosemarygreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To make “Autobahn” Kraftwerk taped the sounds of cars on the motorway. What if they used the same creative method on “Mitternacht”, the other – and pretty scary – track from their breakthrough 1974 album? Pure speculation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mitternacht

**Mitternacht**

**(screech of Volkswagen wheels, bang of the door).**

FLORIAN: Ralf, where are we?

RALF: Map says we’re 100 kilometres away from Düsseldorf. Well into the wilderness.

FLORIAN: Let’s stop here.

RALF: Alright, get out of the car, get the gear out. Take the tape recorder. I’ll take the mike. Let’s go.

**(moving forward)**

FLORIAN: Can’t we record from this nice full-moonlit meadow? This Magnetophon’s heavy.

RALF: The deeper we move into the woods, the more authentic sounds we’ll catch on tape.

FLORIAN: And you call _me_ sound fetishist. Why can’t we record midnight sounds in the city?

RALF: Florian, how could we recreate forest sounds truthfully when we’ve lived in the metropolis all our lives? Our ears are polluted with industrial noise. Nature is a completely different sonicscape.

FLORIAN: Come on, Ralf, how many composers have written music about forests? Beethoven, Sibelius, Grieg. Why invent the wheel… er… the reel? We ourselves recorded one piece four years ago, remember?

RALF: To begin with, they were not composing for synthesizers. Where have you seen silver forests, anyway? They are usually green.

FLORIAN: It was a metaphor, Ralf. What if it was a winter forest? With trees covered in glittering snow?

RALF: Then it should have been named “White Forest”.

**(stop in the middle of nowhere).**

RALF: We’ve gone far enough.

FLORIAN: We’ve gone _too_ far. You haven’t got an electronic breadcrumbs dispenser with you?

RALF: It’s you who tinkers with the gadgets. Build one.

RALF: Let’s camp here. Put the Magnetophon on this grass patch, switch it on. Don’t trip over the wires. Adjust the mike.

FLORIAN: What’s the tape running time?

RALF: Two hours.

FLORIAN: Then when it’s over, we’re finished?

RALF: I’ve got an extra reel in my backpack.

FLORIAN: (grits teeth) How prudent of you.

RALF: Now let us sit very still. Listen up.

**(in whisper)**

FLORIAN: What was that?

RALF: Sounds like a bat.

FLORIAN: Do you hear wings swishing overhead?

RALF: Must be an owl.

FLORIAN: I feel like we’re in a Gothic novel…

RALF: Hush, who’s gonna edit human noises off the tape?

FLORIAN: … and now we’re in a _Little Red Riding Hood_. Can you hear it? Can you hear this beastly howling?

RALF: Florian, you’ve been reading too many fairy tales as a child.

FLORIAN: Don’t you think it really is a wolf?

RALF: It’s not a wolf, I can assure you.

FLORIAN: Then what is it?

RALF: Might be a werewolf.

FLORIAN: …

RALF: We’re catching him on tape, he’s catching us.

FLORIAN: Sometimes I hate your creepy sense of humour.

**(an hour has passed)**

RALF: What’s that sound? Like castanets? Seriously innovative.

FLORIAN: It’s the sound of my teeth stammering. It’s cold in here.

RALF: Why would you put on your leather jacket? It’s not forest uniform.

FLORIAN: Why don’t we start a fire?

RALF: Oh, a good idea. That’ll create an interesting sound effect on tape. Civilisation invading this primeval aural tapestry. Nature combined with humanity and its noise. Have you got a lighter?

FLORIAN: Whoever taught you these posh phrasings?

**(start the fire)**

FLORIAN: Ralf, do you see it?

RALF: The darkness?

FLORIAN: The whiteness. I see a white figure behind the trees.

RALF: A ghost?

FLORIAN: I don’t know. It’s approaching. I don’t like it. Come on, let’s get out of here!

RALF: No, Florian, stop, we came here to record the sounds! Your screams will ruin the tape.

**(bright flash of light)**

FRONTIER GUARDS: What the hell are you guys doing here?

RALF: We’re, er… recording.

GUARDS: Recording what? Within 10 kilometres radius of the Belgian border?

FLORIAN: Hey, Ralf, what maps have you been using? Did we have to go all the way here just to get caught?

RALF: At least, not by a wolf.

GUARDS: You guys must be spies.

RALF: We’re not spies, we’re musicians.

GUARDS: Right, where are your instruments?

RALF: This is our instrument. Could you please switch your flashlights off? It might harm our tapes.

GUARDS: It doesn’t look like a musical instrument. Where are the strings or the keys?

FLORIAN: It’s a reel-to-reel tape recorder. Do you even listen to new bands?

GUARDS: Alright, let’s take you boys to the station.

**(at the station)**

RALF: (to a chief frontier guard): … and we wanted to record real, authentic forest sounds, capture the essence of the depth of the woods, find that sylvan spirit, you know. We’re not spies. We’re musicians. We’re gonna make music with it.

FLORIAN: Yeah, right now we’re recording an album of industrial electronic folk, you know. Songs about singing cars, and flying comets, and whispering forests, and…

CHIEF FRONTIER GUARD: Er… fine these weirdos for trespassing the Belgian border and public nuisance and let them go.

**(Kling Klang Studios, the next day)**

RALF: Hey, Florian, have you finished editing out the tape from our night expedition?

FLORIAN: No, Ralf, look at that. Half of it is in the dustbin already.

RALF: Hmm… looks like we won’t scrape twenty minutes of material for this track. And, Florian, don’t forget, we have to drive to a forest tomorrow morning to do some more field recordings.

FLORIAN: What, again?

RALF: Yeah, remember we had an idea to record morning sounds for “Der Morgen” or whatever it’s called. Three a.m. is a good time, I think.

FLORIAN: You know what, Ralf… I’d rather stay here editing the tapes. Take Wolfgang along.

RALF: Relax, Florian, in the morning it’ll be safe. No wolves, no bats, just dawn chorus and sprinkling brooks. I promise, next album we’ll stay home and field-record radio waves.

FLORIAN: Fine, let’s try. But _this_ time – no driving to Belgian borders. Let’s go the bank of the Rhine. Or there’s a nice little park close to my place. If the police catches us we’ll say we’re here on an early picnic. With music.

WOLFGANG: You guys are freaks.

RALF & FLORIAN: (stare at him) No, we just love our job.

WOLFGANG: Hey, why don’t you write a song about strip clubs? Wanna make some field recordings? I’d help you out. Hold the mike or whatever. Guys…

**Author's Note:**

> Characterisation inspired by Kraftwerk’s absurd-serious interviews from the 70s, radio drama "Klokwerk" (https://soundcloud.com/theprinternet), "Ralf and Florian: The Kraftwerk Sitcom" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-haWSy43Ks), Giles Turnbull’s “Backstage with Kraftwerk” (http://gilest.org/backstage-with-kraftwerk.html), Kunst Arbeiter’s fanart (http://kraftwerkthough.tumblr.com/) and other Kraftwerk fanworks. I have immense respect for these German men and their music. No offence was intended.


End file.
